Decisions Decisions

So, my big day is fast approaching: Tomorrow, November 29th...AHHH!  I was going to wait till after my meeting to make a decision, but after speaking with my graduate advisor and the dean of graduate studies, and much thought and agony, I have decided to find a new lab to do research in.  I'm still going ahead with this presentation, as it is a chance to show what I have done so far and what I am capable of, in the hopes that someone on my committee will be interested in taking me in.  I haven't told my PI yet that I'm leaving, that's going to be another major hurdle, but I will deal with that when the time is right.

Things have been getting pretty bad as I've mentioned before, and if I really want to be successful, I need to get out of this situation I'm in.  So, after this meeting, I have to decide what labs I want to work in, and what labs have funding and room to take me.  I will in other words be starting all over again. It is a horribly depressing thought and the fact that I'm getting "older" (I know mom, I know), just makes me even more upset.  This was really not how I had planned things.  I was hoping to get out of here in about 5 years, but now who knows how long I will be here.  I know this new path that I will be taking (assuming there is one) will be really difficult, it will have lots of ups and downs, and will probably be even harder than my previous situation.  But, all I really want is good mentorship and I think, with that, I can succeed well (I hope).

If, I can't find another lab, I will be forced to leave with a masters (a second one which will do me no good), and then I will have to figure out my next step.  I won't be applying to another program, I don't have that motivation anymore, so I might have to be content with working in industry, or maybe a teaching position at a community college.  Doesn't sound too appealing, but these are some things I've been thinking about.  Please send lots of prayers and good thoughts my way as I deal with my new crappy situation, haha.  After tomorrow, I will figure out what my next step is.  For now, I'm racing with time to get this presentation done, if my boss would stop making suggestions to change it.

Sigh, sometimes the thought of opening up a flower shop sounds so much more appealing...

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