I got a call at 9am from my mom this morning which woke me up in shock. She usually knows I sleep in (yes, I sleep in on work days sometimes, I have a flexible lab schedule...it helps that my boss is never around) and only calls when she really needs me and this morning was one of those days. I picked up the phone and I could tell from her voice immediately that something was wrong. Maman (what I call my mom), what happened? Are you ok? She says, "I'm sorry I woke you up, I just needed to talk to you. I was in an accident." I knew deep down she was ok, I could just tell, but from her voice, I could hear panic and shock. We talked for a few minutes, I calmed her down, told her not to worry, it wasn't anything serious (thank God), it wasn't her fault and everyone's ok....and so forth. She had to run to class so we didn't talk much, but after I hung up, I just sat in bed, shocked, worried and started thinking about EVERYTHING. Why does this happen? Why does everything seem to fall apart around you all at once. Without too much detail, school has been stressful, money has been tight, things have been hard in every way on so many itty bitty levels about so many itty bitty and sometimes big things.
We always talk about what we wish we had. I know I do. I semi-jokingly tell my husband I can't wait till we move out of our TINY one bedroom student apartment and move into a house. I tell my mom all the time about things I wish I had, things I wish I could do, how I can't wait till I move...blah blah blah. A big house, with a white picket fence and a garden to plant vegetables in, sounds really nice. All that space, so many organizing opportunities, sounds like heaven to me :D A fancy car, lots of beautiful clothes and handbags (not really a shoe person anymore...I have foot surgery to thank for that). I remember telling my husband when we first got engaged all the things that I wanted, until I realized how much money we didn't have. I'll wait, I'll be patient, lets save money and spend it on the more important things. It was hard at first, and still is (sigh, a house to call home), but, and I tell this to my husband all the time, if I never get that house or that Europe trip or any of the millions of other things that I want, I have him. I said yes to him, not to his money or to the stuff I would be getting. He makes me happy...he really really does and I'm content with that. I have my family, they're healthy, breathing and safe. I have life, I have food to eat, water to drink, a home that I can go to. Anything can happen to take all of that away. So many people have lost everything and I need to count my blessings.
My moms accident reminded me of all of this. All of the many things I take for granted. We get so wrapped up in life and all the materialism that comes with it that we forget to be in the moment. So, why do these things happen? To test us, to remind us, to wake us up and make us appreciate all that we do have and not focus on what we don't. I am happy with what I have, who I have, where I am and occasionally, on a good experiment day, what I'm doing. Things could always be worse and, God forbid, we could lose a loved one. Thank you God, for EVERYTHING you have given me. For keeping my family safe, for all the opportunities you've given us, for all the beautiful things in this world and for a wonderful husband that loves me unconditionally. Thank you!