Happy New Year

The Iranian/Persian new year is finally upon us.  It is called Nowruz, which means new (now) day (ruz) and is on the first day of spring (March Equinox).  It is a very ancient tradition that is practiced by many of the countries surrounding Iran or those that were influenced by the Persian Empire (Afghanistan, Azerbaijan, Albania, Kazakhstan, Turkmenistan, Uzbekistan...).  


As I've mentioned before, as part of the new year celebrations, we lay out a spread of various items called the Haftsin (Haft=7 Sin=letter S) that each symbolizes an important part of daily life and sustenance.  These items include:


Sir (Garlic), symbolizes health and medicine
Samanu (Wheat germ pudding), symbolizes affluence
Senjed (Dried fruit from the Oleaster tree), symbolizes love
Sabzeh (Wheat, lentil or barley sprouted in a dish), symbolizes birth  
Somaq (Dried sumac berries), symbolizes the color of sunrise
Sib (Apple), symbolizes beauty and eggs
Serkeh (Vinegar), symbolizes age and patience
Sekkeh (Coins), symbolizing wealth
Sonbol (Hyacinth plant), symbolizing the coming of spring
Holy Book (Quran), symbolizing wisdom
Ayneh (Mirror), symbolizing clarity 
Sham (Candles), symbolizing enlightenment and happiness
Tokhmeh Morgeh Rangi (Colored eggs), symbolizing fertility (usually one for each family member)
Bowl of goldfish in water, symbolizing life within life (fish within water)
Yummy and delicious Iranian pastries as well as nuts and dried fruit are sometimes also included.

Our Haftsin 

(The haftsin had to go where my goldfish were, haha, on the counter.  
More pictures to come when I get back home)

Haftsin at my grandparents house

Haftsin at my parents

Apologies on the not so great pictures.  I broke my camera months back and all I have to work with is my cell phone for now!

I wish everyone a really great year to come, with much health, happiness, and success.

Happy Nowruz!

Where did all the money go

So once again we have drained through our funds for lab.  My PI had an absolute conniption fit, so I heard.  I wasn't there to see it, THANK GOD, but apparently he kept going on and on about how we need to cut back on our orders and so forth.  What I don't understand is how he expects us to do research if we don't have the necessary equipment.  On top of that, he said only run experiments we have items for and borrow things if you need.  So I have to rip off another lab because we are too cheap to buy our own stuff?  Am I missing something? I also got accused of ordering the wrong antibodies, and when I looked back I couldn't find anything wrong, but apparently it seems the other graduate student (once again) made me look like an idiot by saying, oh we already had that, I don't know why she ordered another one.  Fabulous, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.  For your information smart one, I ordered the correct items, just from a different company because I WAS TOLD TO DO SO and maybe it would improve the results.

He also "jokingly" told one of the grad students that because we ordered so many items, he might have to fire one of the grad students.  There are only 3.  One is on full scholarship (the golden child), the other is getting ready to graduate, and that leaves pathetic old me.  Great, now I have to worry about that too.  FANTASTIC.

What really makes me mad is when I joined the lab, my PI told me he had funding for one extra grad student.  Little did I know, he expected me to TA every quarter and little did he know there would be very little TA-ships.  Jerk!

I guess this is what it means to be a grad student.  No wonder people don't go for PhD's.  I'm an idiot.

So if I get fired, flower shop with daddy's money here I come!

Today I was supposed to start my vacation.  What a way to start my relaxation.  I'm so stressed I'm going to explode.

Homemade Smoothie

The hubby made an AMAZING smoothie tonight, with bananas, pineapple, peaches and berries of all kinds.  It was so scrumptious.  Anytime he makes anything, it tastes sooo good.  He is an amazing and very creative chef! I'm blessed!

Bon Appetit

Actions of others

Why do we care what people think about us?  Why do we go through life always trying to fit in?  Why do we let people treat us any less than we deserve?  I never really felt out of place when I was in college and I think that had to do with how active I was in the MSA and other groups I was part of, but also because of the MANY friends that made me feel loved.  I hung out with a few select people from school and I had my own tight group of best friends outside, so I never really noticed what others thought of me.  But now, many years later, as I am in this PhD program struggling to find myself, I feel like the outsider, I feel ignored, I feel inconsequential.  I guess it some ways it's my own fault.  I'm not as social as I used to be.  Maybe its marriage, maybe its age, maybe its the lack of energy at the end of the day, maybe its because I don't have a good group of friends, maybe its because i'm so busy.  But what I do know is that I have become more sensitive to what others think of me (or maybe I haven't and never really realized it).  I over analyze each look, each word, each reaction and get so hurt.  I do it to everyone now...why do I care???

I know its petty, but when you are sitting in a room and you see your classmates walk in, some of which you helped and worked on projects with, and they ignore you like you're some speck of dust in the air, and sit clear across the room form you, it does hurt.  You say hi, and you get a half smile.  How do you not let that get to you?

I think if I were more confident in myself, and really felt as though I knew what the heck I was doing in this program, I wouldn't feel this way.  Everyone else feels so much more accomplished than me.  Everyone else seems to have what they want.  I can barely get my research to work.  I can barely stay afloat and maybe the fact that I wear hijab makes me more sensitive.  But I never used to let that get to me, why now? Maybe all this anti-muslim propaganda is starting to get under my skin.

I don't like them anyways, is what I keep telling myself.  But then the words of a professor on my qualifying panel resonates in my head:  "You need to make sure you keep in touch with your peers, especially since you're off campus, otherwise you will have a hard time".  That's all I can think of when I notice how I am not a part of the "social" sphere here on campus.  Having my lab off campus of course definitely doesn't help, but what am I to do?  I feel lost, I feel stuck, I feel like i'm drowning.

I've become so competitive in the last few months.  I used to bend over backwards to help others but now, I don't want to help anyone, I don't want to see the classmates I don't like succeed.  I don't want to see some of my own lab members succeed.  A new MD, PhD student in my lab is the golden boy in and he DOES NOTHING, is never around, and yet my PI thinks he's great, so maybe my hate is justified?  Maybe he really is smart, maybe he spends all his time away from lab in the library reading?  Maybe he is more on top of things than I think.  All these thoughts make me feel sick.  What is wrong with me?  Why have I turned into this.  I think the cut-throatness of being in a PhD program has slowly started to get to me.  I want to feel as though I am being successful, but with ever experimental fail, I get more and more stressed and more and more hateful of those that are able to succeed.  I know, how bad of a person am I.

I sometimes feel as though its my own fault.  I guess "they" did try to keep me part of things in the beginning.  But, I don't do happy hour, I don't like halloween parties, I don't flirt with men or flaunt what figure I have left since school has started.  I don't laugh so loud that I attract the attention of all the men in the room, I don't eat certain foods, I don't have much to really say that people like to hear and I am married,  so I  guess that's what makes me an outcast.

Life seems to be falling apart around me at times.  I have to remember trust in God is what gets us all through the toughest of times.  May he protect us all and keep us on his path.  I do what I do for him and only for him.  I am who I am to please him, and the remembrance of that is the only thing that gets me through this life.

Happy Pi(e) Day

OMG, I had no idea the reason March 14th is considered pi (╥) day is because 3/14 = 3.14.  Totally mind blowing, wow... ok, another one of my FAIL at life moments.  


What would we really do without 3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307816406286208998628034825342117067982148086513282306647093844609550582231725359408128481117450284102701938521105559644622948954930381964428810975665933446128475648233786783165271201909145648566923460348610454326648213393607260249141273724587006606315588174881520920962829254091715364367892590360011330530548820466521384146951941511609...?
I'll tell you what, you can't calculate the circumference of a circle, and that's very important in life, ok!


What does one do on pi day you ask, well, according to wiki: 
"There are many ways of celebrating Pi Day. Some of them include eating pie and discussing the relevance of π"  


So fascinating.  I'll have the pie thanks (with lots of whip cream) and I'll leave the pi talk for the people who really care. 

You know what else is mind blowing?

Macavity's A Mystery Cat

Macavity is one of my most favorite poems (well, maybe my only one).  I used to have the whole thing memorized, back in the day.  I love the way the words just roll off the tongue with such rhythm.

Macavity The Mystery Cat by T S Eliot

Macavity's a Mystery Cat: he's called the Hidden Paw--

For he's the master criminal who can defy the Law.

He's the bafflement of Scotland Yard, the Flying Squad's despair:

For when they reach the scene of crime--Macavity's not there!

Macavity, Macavity, there's no on like Macavity,

He's broken every human law, he breaks the law of gravity.

His powers of levitation would make a fakir stare,

And when you reach the scene of crime--Macavity's not there!

You may seek him in the basement, you may look up in the air--

But I tell you once and once again, Macavity's not there!

Macavity's a ginger cat, he's very tall and thin;

You would know him if you saw him, for his eyes are sunken in.

His brow is deeply lined with thought, his head is highly doomed;

His coat is dusty from neglect, his whiskers are uncombed.

He sways his head from side to side, with movements like a snake;

And when you think he's half asleep, he's always wide awake.

Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macavity,

For he's a fiend in feline shape, a monster of depravity.

You may meet him in a by-street, you may see him in the square--

But when a crime's discovered, then Macavity's not there!

He's outwardly respectable. (They say he cheats at cards.)

And his footprints are not found in any file of Scotland Yard's.

And when the larder's looted, or the jewel-case is rifled,

Or when the milk is missing, or another Peke's been stifled,

Or the greenhouse glass is broken, and the trellis past repair--

Ay, there's the wonder of the thing! Macavity's not there!

And when the Foreign Office finds a Treaty's gone astray,

Or the Admiralty lose some plans and drawings by the way,

There may be a scrap of paper in the hall or on the stair--

But it's useless to investigate--Macavity's not there!

And when the loss has been disclosed, the Secret Service say:

"It must have been Macavity!"--but he's a mile away.

You'll be sure to find him resting, or a-licking of his thumbs,

Or engaged in doing complicated long division sums.

Macavity, Macavity, there's no one like Macacity,

There never was a Cat of such deceitfulness and suavity.

He always has an alibi, or one or two to spare:

And whatever time the deed took place--MACAVITY WASN'T THERE!

And they say that all the Cats whose wicked deeds are widely known (I might mention Mungojerrie, I might mention Griddlebone)

Are nothing more than agents for the Cat who all the time

Just controls their operations: the Napoleon of Crime!